*Warning: this is a very "rambly" post that deals with a dilemma of motherhood! So if you need to be encouraged or uplifted today, please skip this one! ;)
I hope y'all are having a great week! I've enjoyed visiting some of your blogs and talking to a few of you via email. Although I don't spend much time blogging these days (next to no time, actually!), I am still so thankful for the friendships that I've cultivated over these past couple of years! By the way, Spring is definitely in the air here, although I know some of you are enduring the worst kind of winter weather--so I won't brag about all the beauty around me just yet. ;)
There are so many preparations to be made before this next baby is born--most of the things that I wanted Johnathan to be doing months ago are still on my to-do list. At the top of the list: sleeping all night in his own crib. Yes--the cat's out of the bag! Johnathan has slept in our bed since day one! I've found that some people applaud this decision--and some look at me like a lunatic when I tell them that. But when I was breastfeeding him, it was so much easier to just have him in our bed, and he's been happily sleeping there ever since. Matt and I really do enjoy having him within arm's reach at night, but with baby #2 on the way, Johnathan needs to move out. None of us are sleeping well anymore, and I think Mama and Daddy are ready for his transition to the crib. :) Plus, our pediatrician advised us to go ahead and move him before the "window of opportunity" closes. Apparently, if you don't move them out by a certain time, they'll stay in your bed until they're really old! Which is true in many cases I've seen. We really don't want a long-limbed 8 year old snuggled up between us every night!
Last night was our first attempt at the crib, and it was a fiasco! Johnathan fell asleep while drinking his nighttime bottle, so we just gently laid him in his crib and went to our big, lonely bed. ;) He woke up during the middle of the night screaming, and after about 30 minutes of trying to "Ferberize" him, Matt got him out and Johnathan took his rightful place in the middle. ;) I think I cried as hard as he did!
Tonight I was by myself. Johnathan was dog-tired, so I fed him, soothed him, and laid him down. Again, I tried the Ferber method (letting baby cry it out for specific intervals of time before going in to briefly soothe him). He cried during the 5 min. interval, and the 10 min. interval, and then halfway through the 25 min. interval, I gave in and soothed him to sleep by rubbing his head. I feel better about tonight because he actually fell asleep in his crib, even if it was with my help. But I didn't accomplish my true goal: teaching him to soothe himself to sleep. Although I have to say--I don't quite understand how a baby can soothe himself to sleep when he is in a raging panic! ;)
I have no idea what we'll do tonight when he wakes up. Lately, when he has woken up in our bed, he cries for a bottle at least twice during the night. So...I don't know if we will try giving him a bottle and putting him in the crib or not. He'll probably end up back in our bed, but I hate to lose the little bit of ground that we've gained so far. Any advice for this worn out Mama and Daddy? We're so tired, but it really does break our hearts to hear him cry so much. I have the worst guilt! Did your babies ever have to make the transition? ANY stories or advice would be very much appreciated!
Needless to say, baby 2 will be in the bassinet from night one! I said that about Johnathan, but now I know the consequences of my actions! ;) I'll keep y'all updated on Johnathan's progress!
8 comments:
We never co-slept, so I have no advice. However, I let my babies cry for brief periods, and then would go in to them, lay them down, and gently pat their bottoms while praying with them,o r singing softly. Just for a minute or two... then back out the door I went. THANKFULLY, my babies all slept through the night by 6 weeks. Honestly, I think it's because I put them in their own room at that time.
Before 6 weeks, they were in a cradle beside our bed. I heard every noise they made, and was quick to pick them up to nurse them. When I moved them to their own room(s) they slept beautifully. I think we all make noises at night. We woke them; they woke us.
Don't feel guilty, Jordin. I'm sure you're a terrific mom, and your little guy will adjust sooner than later.
Oh Jordin, I know how horrible it feels to listen to your baby "cry it out". I've been there, and yes, I've bawled my eyes out too.
We never co-slept either, so this may not be the advice you need. However, we've certainly had our share of sleeping issues to deal with and have endured many sleepless and difficult nights with our little one.
What I've learned in the past sixteen months is that babies are very, very smart and quickly learn how to get their way. I'm sure you already know this :) Stay strong, and try your hardest not to give in. When my daughter was refusing to sleep at night we had to stop picking her up, carrying her around the house, and giving her bottles at night because this reinforced her waking up frequently. We knew she wasn't in pain because as soon as we would pick her up and give her what she wanted she was happy as a pig in the mud.
Now if she wakes up at night we simply check her head to see if it is hot, and do a quick diaper check. Then firmly say "lay back down and go to sleep". We don't give in to her demands, as guilty as this makes us feel sometimes, and we keep it short and sweet.
You'll probably have some very difficult and sleepless nights ahead, but if you're consistent it will be over soon.
Peapod co-slept with us, until she was 18 months-ish and then she moved to her own room once she settled into our new home out in WA. To get her to sleep in her own room, one of us would do her bedtime routine: bath, pajamas & teeth brushing, story, and would then place her in her little bed and sit in the rocking chair reading, knitting, or doing some other quiet activity until she went to sleep. The first night I stayed in there for thirty minutes but by the end of the week, she was only requiring about ten minutes to fall asleep.
Now I simply put her in her bed and say "nite nite" and she goes to sleep all by herself and sleeps through the night unless she has a nightmare, a thunder storm crops up, or something rare such as that. Or funky sleep issues the week after Sean left to head back to the Sandy Place.
P.S. Peapod also have a sleep inducing nighttime snack to help keep her little tummy full all night: whole grain bread with a bit of nut butter & warm (coconut) milk with a bit of honey. The way this particular food combination is digested keeps a little one asleep all night long and the chemical properties of the honey are sleep inducing. This works even better if you are able to use dairy milk as oppose to a dairy sub, like coconut milk.
We also have ventured into an herbal tea blend for children called "Fairy Tale Tea" as she's gotten older. This is sweetened with honey and cooled down with a bit of coconut milk tonic.
She also has lavender essential oil in her bath, to make her sleepy, and a little sleep pillow full of sleepy time herbs, as another nicety to he bedtime routine. :o)
I really have no advice to offer because our Lizzie didn't sleep through the night til 18 months. She was born early (6 wks) and I believe needed to be close to her mama longer rather than putting that little peanut in a big crib in a room down the hall right away. Hindsight is always 20/20. I sure would do things differently. I'd wear a sling to keep her next to me (I believe now that she needed that), I'd keep her in a cradle next to the bed for a time, I'd rest when she'd rest, I relish her awake times even more, I'd be less (far less) busy, on and on.
My downfall was listening to what I assumed to be 'wise women' and taking their advice to heart. "Don't spoil that baby! Let'r cry it out. Don't pick her up so much, she'll grow to expect it, etc ad nauseum."
It's easy for 'experienced' mothers to come alongside and give suggestions, but when it comes right down to it..every child is new and should be looked at in that way. What worked for one child or one family will not necessarily work for another. There are no cookie-cutter morsels of wisdom that fit every situation. You do what you believe to be the right thing at the time. God has given you great insight already, Jordin. :o) (((hug)))
Even now, with Lizzie turning 19 very soon, it's all new to me. Never before have I experienced this age and season with this daughter. All new. I walk in faith and a whole lotta prayer. :o)
Tracy,
We're planning to do like you did with yours--baby in our room for several weeks, then out before he knows the difference. :)
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Samantha,
I tried to find your blog yesterday and it wasn't there! Have you shut it down?
It's always so nice to hear from other moms who have had their shares of difficulties. :) We're trying to do the firm but loving thing, too. It seems to work well, but, like you said--it's so hard to hear them cry! Please say a prayer for us around 8:00. :)
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Amy,
I really like the idea of staying in their room while they fall asleep! However, I know this wouldn't work for Johnathan; maybe he's too young. If he sees us in the room, he thinks we are going to get him out! :)
We use a little lavender bath wash/lotion at night, and it really helps. I think he is beginning to associate that smell with bedtime. And thanks for the snack suggestions, too! I'll have to put those in my pocket for later! :)
Peapod is so cute! I've been keeping up with y'all by lurking on your blog--and I try to comment when I can. But know that when you don't hear from me, I'm still there--lurking. :)
Hi I just stumbled upon your blog and felt compelled to comment, I hope you don't mind the intrusion. I find with my little ones they have all eventually settled into independent sleeping patterns some sooner than others and sometimes a bad cold or a molar coming through disrupts that for a time but they settle in. I remember with my eldest daughter we tried letting her cry which I felt horrible about and finally after several nights we decided to go back to me nursing her twice a night within a month she was sleeping through the night in her own bed (crib.)
It will come to pass quickly that before you know it he will be sleeping through the night in his own bed.
Blessings to you.
Cheryl
Just came across this via Amy's blog.
We coslept and nursed thru the night for ages. When it got to be too much because our daughter at 18 mos was waking to nurse every 30 min or so and obviously didn't need to nurse *that* much at night, we taught her to sleep thru the night. But we laid with her while she cried - in just a few nights she realized she coulnd't nurse all night and slept thru the night wonderfully. She never was left to cry it out tho.
If you are uncomfortable with the crying it out, then follow your instincts! There are other ways of teaching kids to sleep - patting their backs in the crib or singing to them while they cry there instead of leaving them to cry themselves to sleep all on their own. It can be scary for a baby to learn to sleep by themselves when they have had the comfort of the womb and arms for so long!
If you stay with him while he goes to sleep, he will eventually learn to fall asleep more quickly. Pat him or sing or rub his back or something comforting. Eventually he'll equate that with bedtime and fall asleep quickly. Then you can "wean" to patting the back for just a few minutes and sitting in the rocker singing and knitting or something - and then eventually you'll be able to pat his back for a few minutes and leave like Amy described with their bedtime routine above.
All the people I know who have done cry it out/ferber method have run into problems. While a kid may learn in a week or so to sleep, they will inevitabley get sick, go thru teething or whatever and then the painful cry it out process has to start all over again. At least with back patting the step "backward" is only to having to pat the back a bit longer or something.
You'll find your way in all of this - listen to what God puts in your heart. Mommy feelings/instincts are there for a reason :)
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